Cantankerous curmudgeons I have read

M & I had dinner and drinks a while back with a mate who works in arts publishing. He works quite closely with the editor of the Capital Times, and somehow our conversation got on to the serial letter writers who inhabit the 'your say' columns in the weekly newspapers. If you have every picked up a Capital Times or similar publication I am sure you know the names of the most grievous offenders- H Westfold from Haitaitai, RO Hare from Lower Hutt, and Ronald R Smythe from Mount Cook.

Someone came up with the idea of giving these three misanthropes regular newspaper space in the form of a rotating opinion column. Unfortunately (if only for sheer humour value) this never seems to have taken root.

To generalise about their polemical output: H Westfold produces the most letters, RO Hare spends his time rebutting H Westfold's latest missive, and Ronald R Smythe seems to react to whatever miscellany offends his ultra-conservative tendencies. My favourite is Ronald R Smythe. He is consistently hilarious, whereas the other two are sometime tedious at times.

For example, he sent in a pearler of a letter a couple of months back which generated a few responses, and I quote in full:
Recently, I was having a conversation over a glass or two of sherry with an acquaintance of mine who resides in the southern side of Wellington’s Mt Cook suburb. He was distraught over the changes proposed for the electoral map, which would see him move out of Wellington Central and into Rongotai.
Whilst I could assure him there would be no loss in the market value of his residence resulting from the move, I could not say the same for his state of mind. No longer would he have the opportunity to help elect a sensible, conservative parliamentarian to represent him – he would be flung into a ludicrously safe working-class Labour seat. To add salt to the wounds, Rongotai is represented by a woman!
Electorates should be set for life, allowing middle-class citizens to choose to live among like-minded people, and ensure representation by economically sound people – preferably men. I feel genuine remorse for my good friend, seeing his opportunity for electoral peace of mind taken so cruelly away.

There are a couple of issues in the letter above. The first is that the man drinks sherry. The second is factual accuracy. As one politically aware respondent pointed out, this letter is riddled with factual errors. Personally, this only adds to Ronald R Smythe's appeal.

In fact, bring on the fan club. I would much rather support someone who is not 100% factually correct but who makes me laugh, than some pedant who gets their facts right but bores me.

I Heart Ronald? Bring back the Smythe? The possibilities are endless.