Man Cooking: Brawn

Warning: the following text contains graphic images and representations of gastronomic carnage, and may not be suitable for vegetarians or fussy eaters.



Last weekend Brendan and I attempted to make brawn. For those of you unfamiliar with a nose to tail type diet, Brawn is similar to terrine and consists of meat suspended in jelly.
And, the part which nearly broke me, the meat is from a pig’s head.







We broadly followed the Fergus Henderson recipe. To summarise:
Simmer the pig’s head with vegetables, a couple of trotters (a great source of gelatin for the jelly), root vegetables and whatever seasoning or herbs you can find for over two hours. We ended up simmering for about four hours in some chicken stock I had made the day before, and some recipes advocate even longer in the pot. We didn’t faff around with brining beforehand. Firstly, I don’t have that much patience, and secondly, I didn’t have three kilos of salt.






Remove head and trotters from pot. Discard any other solids.
Once head and trotters are cool enough to handle, remove all meat and meat like substances (to paraphrase Fergus Henderson - the snout is neither fat nor meat nor cartilage, and yet is tasty) from the head and trotters.





After four hours simmering we could separate the meat with forks. Set meat and meat like substances aside. Bear in mind that for optimal taste sensations there needs to be a small amount of fat included here – this dish will never appear on any calorie controlled menus….
Reduce liquid down, and then cool.

To construct the brawn:
1) Line a dish with cling film, leaving plenty hanging over the sides
2) Add a layer of meat and meat like substances
3) Add a small amount of liquid to cover meat completely
Repeat (2) and (3) until dish is full
Whack brawn on counter top a couple of times, to displace any air bubbles.
Wrap overhanging cling film over top of brawn







Set a weight on top, and refrigerate until firm. I left mine for a week, but the gelatin in the liquid should only need overnight to solidify.

Serve as small slices, on brown toast, with large amounts of salt and pepper. The refrigeration dulls the seasoning, so it needs quite a bit to perk up.

How does it taste?
Really good, unless you spend too long thinking about where exactly it came from.
The meat had a good strong flavour, even though it had been simmered for a while.
After a week in a fridge the jelly was in no mood to crumble, and was very firm.

So what are the down sides, and why did this dish nearly break me?

It started when I was shaving the head prior to cooking - did I mention you have to shave your ingredients, and clean out the ear wax before you cook this bad boy? Before you ask, no I didn’t use Marie’s razor, I used mine. Anyway, I was shaving the eye lashes off when my shaving motion partially opened the pig’s eye. As though it was looking at me, silently reproaching me for my intrusion in the name of gluttony. And yes, I know it couldn’t see me, and yes I know we used to raise pigs when I was little, and yes I know I should harden up, but I still felt a small flutter in my stomach.

It got worse when we removed the meat and meat like substances from the pig head. When I was putting the head into the pot I could fly away to my happy place, and the head meat was still firmly attached to the skull. After four hours simmering the head meat separated from the skull, such that all I had to do was hold up the head meat and the skull fell away. A little gross, especially as the sole part of the head which refused to disconnect from the skull was behind the eyeball which had caused me discomfort earlier.

On a minor point, my kitchen was unprepared for brawn production.





For starters, the pig head I purchased was enormous. I have what I consider to be a gargantuan stock pot, but the pig head filled it up and left no room for the trotters, which I had to decant to a second pot. And, both these pots were overflowing which meant I couldn’t simmer them properly, and had to keep close watch on them. So, already this recipe has exceeded my kitchen’s capacity. And no, I can’t justify purchasing a bigger stock pot, my current pot already looks ridiculously large in our flat.
Second, I broke my tongs and spatula trying to manhandle the head – not only was it bulky, it also weighed in at around four kilos.

Finally, the smell produced from boiling pork, while not unpleasant, is not necessarily nice a la the aroma from roasting / grilling pork or bacon. Mmm bacon.

For five quid it is an extremely cheap day’s entertainment – We started at 930, and with lunch and pub breaks we didn’t finish until 4. However, I think if I was to ever do this again I would start with only half a pig’s head. Or find a smaller pig.

Also, I think I can safely add this to the list of foods I am only allowed to play with in an empty and well aired house.
Now the list reads: mutton pies, muttonbirds, and pig heads. Fair enough, methinks.

Where have all the misbehaving rockstars gone?

Marie picked up some prints a couple of years back, at an art gallery opposite her work which was closing down. Nothing pricey, just lowish print runs of some pretty pictures including this image from a series called Operation Magic Kingdom. We promptly stuck them on the walls, and I never thought to investigate who these prints were by.



It turns out they are by James Cauty, who in previous incantations was a member of the KLF, and a member of the Orb. Damn these multitalented people. Cue my favourite KLF song:



Which brings me on to a comparison with the music stars of today.

When James Cauty was in the KLF they burnt one million pounds in cash, and enthusiastically filmed themselves doing as some kind of expensive performance art. You could argue this enthusiasm was misplaced, given that Cauty publicly regretted setting fire to a million quid about ten years after the event, but rock stars have to engage in excessive behaviours, that is the rules.
(And yes, I am aware of the contradiction in dictating rules of rockstar misbehaviour which involve breaking social norms and rules.)

Where are the comparative excesses and/or ideologically driven impulses of today’s music stars? All the modern music I come into contact with feels commercially sanitised, and rock star excesses seem to be toned down and/or eliminated.

Exhibit 1: Iggy Pop - back in the 1970s he was pioneering stage diving and rolling around on stage in broken glass, and now he shills car insurance. I mean, really?
Yes his level of pharmaceutical consumption circa 1970s was completely unsustainable long term, but Keith Richards is still alive and falling out of coconut trees so at least some of the old guard have managed to avoid descending into wholesale consumerism.

Or have I become so jaded and cynical that nothing rock stars do is shocking or new? Is my nostalgia for rockstar misbehaviour misplaced?

Today was a good day

Sometimes weather is something to be endured, where you have a good time in spite of the torrential rainstorm.
Today is not one of those days. When London pulls out late twenties + blazing sunshine, at the end of September, it is wondrous to behold. I used to think I was not too affected by the weather, but when it is sunny the entire mood of the neighbourhood changes.

Of course, there might have been other circumstances kicking in to make me feel so good today. Foremost would be M getting back from a work trip to the States this morning. Following that:

Taking the afternoon off work, with nothing in the way of commitments to impede a lazy afternoon of bothering M. With my public sector leave allocation I am definitely doing this more often.
Double espresso. x2
Bagel with stilton and homemade chutney
Reading a great book in the park
Listening to a soundtrack of church bells, a call to prayer, children playing (nice in an open area, not in a confined space), sirens - it is Hackney - and a xylophone somewhere being hit at random.

All of the above are nice, but when it is 28 degrees and blazing sun it is awesome.

I think part of the reason today is so freaking awesome is that last Monday I got soaked (meh) on the way to CIMA study (meh).
To represent this algebraically, meh x meh = meh squared.
I was sitting in class in damp denim, listening to the tutor explain Maslow's pyramid of needs and theories of marketing segmentation, and I couldn't stop thinking of the following Bill Hicks clip:

I think I would have an easier time with my CIMA if I didn't have thirty three years of prejudice colouring my absorption of information. There is no point in trying to write an exam answer telling the marker that all the theories of marketing are complete bollocks.
Rather, the path of least resistance to get the coveted pass mark is simply to regurgitate the marketing theories we have had paraded before us, like Joseph Smith's golden tablets.

Thus, out of impotent and ultimately pointless anger (Monday night) comes serenity (Thursday afternoon). Today was a good day.

Assymetrical information

Last night in a Pimlico backstreet I found some of the most egregious wine pricing I have seen for a while.

Cloudy Bay Sav, for 26 pounds, at the bottom of a very short pub wine list.

This retails for around 19 in UK supermarkets, so the pub is only taking a markup of around a third. A quick look on the interweb shows other places flogging this for between 40 and 65 - the lower bound of this range is about what I would hope to find.

The pub in question wins quite a few CAMRA awards on account of its beer selection (they stock the idiosyncratic Berliner weisse, which I have never seen before outside Berlin!), and when I looked around I couldn't see anyone drinking wine. Decisions decisions - do I exploit their wine underpricing, or stick with the delicious weissenbock on tap. Mmm weissenbock.

Will Ferrell can do no wrong (almost)

Sure, Land of the Lost was absolutely terrible, but when he starred and wrote the production above I think he deserves one free pass.

Today is a great day

I found out my bike thief’s sentence: three months custodial, suspended for twelve months. How do you like them apples? And, I didn’t even have to go to court as a witness because he pled guilty just before the trial. Booyaa!


In other not so empowering news, people more loquacious than I have investigated the latest UK budget and found that the OBR forecasts of growth are predicated on an increase in household debt. From False Economy:

Household debt is set to rise from £1,560bn in 2010 (160% of household income) to £2,126bn in 2015 (175% of income) – an increase of 36.3%. By 2015 UK households will have amassed over two trillion pounds worth of debt.

The household debt-to-income ratio (the best measure of how manageable the debt burden is) fell from 2007 until 2010. It is now forecast to start rising again. Osborne described pre-crisis household debt-to-income ratios as unsustainable – and yet the ratio is forecast to hit a new all-time high in 2015.

To put this another way, compare and contrast:
a) In February 2010 George Osborne described pre crisis household debt levels as unsustainable; and
b) In March 2011 George Osborne delivered a budget with growth forecasts built on household debt increasing to unsustainable levels.

Do the Tories think no-one will notice, or that no-one gives a shit? Either they consider the UK electorate simpletons or lazy, either of which could have led to them gaining power in the first place, so I guess they have a point.